The Old Man and His Coffee
by Phantom Fusionist
Summary: Based on a random writing prompt. Red must get coffee for an old man to proceed in his Pokemon quest. Just some random fun.


**This story's just for fun, don't take anything seriously.**

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"Alright!" Red picked up his starter Pokemon, Squirtle, off the ground and sat it on his head. "I can't believe we're already in Viridian City!" He started running through the city, not wanting to take a break yet on the Pokemon journey he'd just begun. "All we have to do is go through Viridian Forest, and we'll be challenging the Pewter Gym in no time."

"Not so fast, whippersnapper!" a voice in front of him said.

Red looked down to see that, right in front of him, an old man was laying across the road, blocking the path to Viridian Forest. He showed no sign of moving any time soon.

"Can I help you?" Red asked.

"Look, kid, I was a great Pokemon Trainer back in my day. The least a young person like you can do is get me some coffee. And I'm not moving until I get some."

"Are you sure?" Red asked. "You see, I just started out as a Pokemon Trainer, and I really need to get to Viridian Forest-"

"I refuse to move from this spot," the old man informed him.

"I'm really sorry," a nearby girl told Red. "I'm his granddaughter. Grandpa Man always does this in the morning, and this happens to a lot of Trainers."

"Grandpa Man?" Red asked. "His last name is really Man?"

"What's wrong with that?" the old man asked. "My name's Old Man! It even says so on my birth certificate. Now stop asking questions and get me some coffee!"

Red giggled. "Who names their kid Old Man?"

"Stop laughing like a school girl and-"

"Get you some coffee, right," Red finished for Old Man. "I'll get you some."

Red walked away from Old Man and his granddaughter, whose name he learned later was Woe Man, and headed towards the Pokemon Mart. "The PokeMart should have coffee, right, Squirtle?"

"Squirtle squirt," Squirtle replied.

Red entered the Pokemon Mart. "Hey, Mr. Clerk, do you have any coffee?"

"Look kid, my name's not 'Mr. Clerk', my real name is- screw it, all the rookie Trainers that come in here call me that. Sorry, kid, but we don't have any coffee," the clerk replied.

"Where can I find some coffee?" Red asked.

"Nowhere around here, kid. You'll have to go to Celadon City's Department Store for that," the clerk told him.

"Great. Umm...thanks for the help," Red said as he left the Pokemon Mart.

"That's the eighth time someone's asked for coffee today, and the thirtieth time this week," the clerk thought out loud after Red left. "I knew I was on to someone when I suggested that we stock coffee in all of the PokeMarts."

Meanwhile, outside of the Pokemon Mart, Red ran back over to Old Man. "I'm sorry, Mr. Man, but in order to get you some coffee, I'm going to have to get to Celadon City."

"So fly there," the Old Man told him.

"Does my Squirtle look like it can fly?" Red asked.

"Oh, right, you haven't caught any flying Pokemon yet, so you can't fly anywhere," said the Old Man.

"Can you move so I can get some coffee for you?" Red asked, using the nicest, most polite tone that he could possibly use.

"No," the Old Man said.

Red narrowed his eyes and ran back South, towards Pallet Town. "Alright, then. Squirtle, we're going back to Pallet Town."

"I'm really sorry!" Woe Man shouted after him.

Red ran through the route, ignoring all the wild Pokemon he met, and arrived back in Pallet Town. "Alright, Squirtle, when we reach the water, you're going to have to swim through the water while I'm on your back for me."

"Squirt?"

"I know you should need the HM for Surf for that first, but you're a water Pokemon, you can swim anyways, right? And you're a strong little guy, you can hold me on your back."

"Squirtle Squirtle."

"You're a girl?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Squirt."

The conversation was dropped there, as Red and Squirtle had reached the water at the South end of Pallet Town. "Alright, Squirtle, jump in the water!" Red ordered.

Squirtle nodded and jumped into the water.

Red jumped on Squirtle's back. "Alright, Squirtle, let's go to Cinnabar Island!"

"Squirtle!"

Red laughed as Squirtle surfed towards Cinnabar Island. "Screw the rules, I'm Red! I do whatever I want!"

"This is the worst thing I've ever heard of," the reader said. "Why would you do this to me?"

"Whoa!" Green popped out of nowhere and pointed at the author. "Stop breaking the fourth wall!" An anvil then fell out of the sky and landed on Green's head, knocking him out.


End file.
